Jokes on Time

"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?""7:25!"The jogger said thanks and left.Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and *** and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!"Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window."Sir, sir? It's 7:45!Read more in post: Time Jokes. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."What Time?A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep.As luck would have it, the quiet street he chose happened to be one of the city's most popular jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place."Yes?""Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "7:15."The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.

Jokes on Time

He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock" the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend."Yup" replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the second guest asked, squinting at it. "Watch" the man said. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed "You friggin' IDIOT!...it's ten past three in the morning!"Smart TimeA man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does.

Jokes on Time

Where's My RolexA lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined."You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!""Oh my gaaad....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex???!!!"Talking ClockProudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong."Now, do you see the donkey's balls?""Of course", the man replies. "Now reach down and take them into your hand." Hesitantly the husband does as he is instructed, after all, this could prove to be an enlightening experience. "Now, slowly lift the donkey's balls", he continues. Again the husband does as he is instructed."Now look underneath the donkeys balls, and between his two front legs." The husband does just that."Now" the man says, "can you see the clock on the wall of that building over there?"Social TimeA social worker asks a colleague: "What time is it?"The other one answers: "Sorry, don't know, I have no watch."The first one: "Never mind! The main thing is that we talked about it."Why?Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: There's a clock on the stove!

Jokes on Time

" Who's Calling?One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.1) If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.2) If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.3) If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.4) If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.5) If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."Vacation in TibetA man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet. While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was, and looking down at his wrist the man realized he had left his watch in the motel room. After a few unsuccessful attempts to find an english speaking local, the couple finally finds an elderly man sitting quietly on the street with his donkey."Excuse me," the husband says, "could you tell us the time?""Absolutely", replies the elderly man, and with that he reaches down and grabs the donkey's balls. "It is 3:00", the man exclaims."Thank you" replies the wife in a surprised voice. And the couple continues on their way. After doing some shopping and grabbing a bite to eat. The couple return to the old man for the time.Again the elderly man grabs the donkey by the balls and says: "It is now 4:45."By this time the husband is completely amazed. "Please show me how you can tell the time simply by grabbing this donkey's balls!""Certainly," the elderly man replies motioning for the couple to come closer. "Sit here where I am," the man begins." Who's Calling?One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.1) If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.2) If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.3) If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.4) If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.5) If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."Vacation in TibetA man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet. While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was, and looking down at his wrist the man realized he had left his watch in the motel room.

The Tutima DI 300

Water resistant to 30 bar, 300 meters, or almost 1,000 feet. Available with an orange or black dial.I don't know much about Tutima watches, however I am suddenly compelled to learn more. Hopefully I'll be posting a hands-on review in the not-too-distant future.When Tutima calls the DI 300 "the sports watch for active yachtsmen," they are apparently willing to put their money where their mouth is. Last year, during the Nord/LB Baltic Spirit Cup, the Tutima racing yacht (appropriately named "TUTIMA") pulled an orange-dial Tutima DI 300 behind it for 2,000 nautical miles (or about 2,300 regular miles for us landlubbers). I think they made their point that the Tutima DI 300 is water-tight, corrosion-resistant, and has an extremely robust bracelet and clasp.The specs on the Tutima DI 300 go something like this: Titanium case. Solid titanium bracelet. Screw-down titanium crown. Unidirectional rotating bezel. Sapphire crystal. Automatic movement with day and date.